you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
