You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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