she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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