i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
