He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
