i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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