i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need water and some morals
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
