Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
