Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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