so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
