You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
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