the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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