Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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