I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
