im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
