I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
