I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
