This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
