tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
