it wasn't lemon gatorade
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
