# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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