when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
