Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one

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(913): View more from Kansas

You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup

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(615): View more from Tennessee

...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT

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(630): View more from Illinois

Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.

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(407): View more from Florida

I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...

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(585): View more from New York

either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell

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(217): View more from Illinois

Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners

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