Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
