I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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