I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
