Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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