can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
