final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
