just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
