Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
