so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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