HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
