Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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