update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
