are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
