cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
