maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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