During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
