Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
