well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
