omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
