So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
