I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
