I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
