I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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