I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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