Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
