Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
