Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
