we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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